


I throw it all away to watch you fall into his arms again

by katelynn



Series: You are the only one [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Infidelity, Liam is sorta mean, M/M, Sad!Louis, he doesn't mean to be tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 20:19:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3147308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katelynn/pseuds/katelynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis has never felt happier in his life, because Liam likes Louis the same way Louis likes Liam and he can’t help the smile that he has worn every day after Liam had told him. He gets to wake up next to Liam and then fall asleep in his arms. He gets to kiss him whenever he wants, he can say ‘I love you’ without fearing Liam will freak out and avoid him for the rest of his life.<br/>And he just feels so happy, and he can’t help it.</p><p>Until he can.</p><p>(Or the one where Liam doesn't love Louis like Louis thinks he does)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I throw it all away to watch you fall into his arms again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [liloshipper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/liloshipper/gifts).



> Um... Hi?
> 
> Decided to turn this into a series I guess? To be honest with you I wasn't expecting that many people to like my first one, it might not seem like a lot to you guys but to me it means so much to even get one like. So thanks a lot.
> 
> Dedicated to liloshipper,  
> I know that you don't know me, like at all, but every time I like a story you seem to have liked it already, so it's like I am stalking you, but I am honestly not. You just have really great taste in fics. Hope you like this one, would mean loads to me.
> 
> This story took a different turn completely to the first one. Don't know if it's a good or a bad one though, that's up to you guys really.
> 
> Title from the song 'This' by the legend himself Ed Sheeran because I can never get enough of him. I seriously have a problem, although I don't mind it much because he's just that awesome.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own, nor will I ever, own anyone affiliated with the One Direction band. Please do not show this to anyone mentioned. Thank you.

The thing is; it was meant to be a _joke_.

He didn't know Louis would take it seriously and react the way he did. He didn’t know. And the way he was radiating happiness afterwards – eyes sparkling and the biggest grin on his face that Liam has ever seen – taking Liam’s hand as he pulls them back towards their table where the boys are still seated, and the way he snuggles up to Liam when they sit down, practically in his lap, there was no way that Liam could tell him now.

Later… maybe.

But right now he can pretend, because it’s the least he can do for Louis, after everything he has done for Liam over the past month. Zayn is still getting married, and Liam feels like tearing his hair out every time he sees Zayn on his phone, smiling down at it when he receives a text from Perrie.

He wishes that he could love Louis, because loving Louis would be so easy.

Louis’ like that dog that keeps you up all night from barking but you can’t help but laugh fondly when he licks your face. Louis would be bike riding and surfing dates, fun nights out and even better ones in. Loving Louis would be fun.

But he can’t, because Louis isn't Zayn.

But he could pretend, and maybe if he pretends for long enough he might actually start believing it. It’ll make Louis happy at least. And maybe, eventually, it’ll make him happy too.

*

They’re sitting on a hotel bed, in another unknown city, Louis’ back leaning against Liam’s chest while Liam aimlessly flicks through the channels, Louis playing with Liam’s free hand, intertwining their hands together, content smile gracing his features.

“I wanna tell the boys,”

Liam doesn't know how to react, but freezing completely and not saying anything probably wasn't his best bet.

"It shouldn't be too bad. It’s not like they’re going to hate us or anything, right?”

Liam doesn't know what expression is on his face, but he nods his head and it seems to be enough.

“We’ll do it tomorrow, yeah? When we’re all in the bus to the next city.” Louis says, getting really excited. “Don’t worry babe, everything will be fine, I promise. I love you.” Louis says, pecking his lips softly once before turning back around to snuggle into him.

Liam doesn't have it in him to say it back.

*

They tell the boys the next day, just like Louis planned. It didn't go as bad as Liam anticipated.

“Liam and I are together, like in a relationship,” Louis clarifies.

It’s Niall who speaks first.

“Fucking finally. You've been pining after Li for years,” he says, kicking at Liam’s shin. Louis blushes while Liam tries to swallow the guilt building up in his throat.

“That’s great Lou,”

Liam’s head shoots up to look at Zayn, small smile on his face as he gives Liam a reassuring nod.

Liam can’t stop looking at Zayn, even when Niall takes Liam into a headlock, so he has to take his eyes off of Zayn to wrestle him to the ground. When he glances back up he Zayn isn't there anymore.

*

Later that night Louis somehow makes himself fit in Liam’s bunk, even though it’s only meant to fit one person, their legs tangled together, Liam’s looking through Twitter while is Louis aimlessly playing with his hands.

Louis doesn't know how his life could get better than this, really.

His living his dream, touring around the world doing what he loves with the best mates anyone could ever ask for and he has the most amazing boyfriend ever.

He couldn't ask for anything more, except…

“Liam?”

“Hmm?”

“Can we go out on a proper date, like in public?” Louis knows that he might be asking a bit much of Liam, but he just wants everyone to know that Liam is his, and that no one else can have him, is that so bad?

“Louis,” Liam sighs, turning his phone off before looking down at him. “I don’t think that’ll be a good idea, you know? What’s management going to say when they find out? Or the media?”

“Yeah,” Louis deflates. “Yeah, you’re right. Don’t worry about it Li.”

Liam kisses his forehead before his hands travel down to Louis tummy, tickling him until he begs Liam to stop.

And yeah, maybe they don’t need everyone to know right now.

*

Liam doesn't expect Zayn to be lying down on his bed at one in the afternoon when Louis' out with Harry and Niall.

Liam had just gotten out of the bathroom to find Zayn lying down on his bed, thick black framed glasses hanging off the bridge of his nose as he reads a comic and it’s such a familiar site that it takes Liam’s breath away.

“Zayn?”

Zayn looks up from his comic, places the comic face down on the bed and smiles widely at Liam, his tongue peeking through as he pats the space beside him. Liam doesn't hesitate to oblige.

Once Zayn has snuggled into Liam’s side, arm wrapped around Liam’s arm, his leg covering Liam’s before he asks the last thing Liam thought he’d ever ask.

“Do you actually like Louis?” and he sounds sincerely curious when he says it. “Like the way he likes you?”

Liam bites his lip because he’s never been able to lie to Zayn and Zayn must understand because he hums under his breath.

“I am I bad person if I say I’m glad that you don’t?” Zayn admits quietly.

That’s probably the last thing Liam would think Zayn would admit to. But he can’t get his hopes up.

“Zayn?”

“Fuck, Li, it’s just, I’ve never actually been in love with Perrie; it’s always been you, and-,”

Before Zayn has the chance to finish, Liam’s lips are on his, pressing Zayn down into the mattress.

“Me too, Zayn. Fuck, _me too_.”

And Liam can’t believe that this is actually happening, can’t believe that Zayn actually feels the same way. Zayn pulls him down for another kiss, wrapping his arms around Liam's neck.

He knows he should be feeling guilty, cautious even because Louis could walk through that door at any moment but he can’t find it in himself to care right now because _Zayn feels the same_.

*

They sneak around after that, stealing kisses whenever Louis’ not around and sometimes even when he is.

Liam knows he should feel guilty – and he does – just maybe not guilty enough to stop. Louis still acts the same around him, kissing him a lot and whispering “I love you” into Liam’s ear. It’s heartbreaking really and it only makes it harder for Liam to say it back.

“When are you gonna tell him Li?” Zayn asks when their lazing around on his hotel bed, snuggled into Liam’s side. Its nearly 6 in the morning and Liam needs to get back to Louis before he wakes up.

“Soon,” Liam promises, “I just don’t know how.”

Zayn hums his understanding.

Liam takes a deep breath before asking,

“What about Perrie?”

Zayn wiggles around a bit before answering.

“Now’s not a good time, Li. She has her American tour coming up soon and I don’t want to upset her when they've finally broke America. Remember how big that was for us?”

And yeah, it makes sense because Liam remembers how happy he was when management mentioned America, they were all overjoyed. Harry had started crying and Liam was on the verge as well.

“Yeah, no, I understand, don’t worry about it.”

“I love you,” Zayn says, kissing his temple.

Liam hums in response, lifting himself off of Zayn’s chest to kiss him properly.

*

“Where were you this morning, Li?”

Louis watches as Liam shifts uncomfortably between his feet.

“I was at the gym,” Liam says, his back facing Louis.

Louis comes up from behind him, arms wrapping around his waist and lips connecting to the back of his neck.

“Let’s put those muscles to work yeah?” Louis whispers, lips close to Liam’s ear.

Liam takes Louis hands and unwrap them from him, taking a step out of Louis’ space.

“Another time, yeah? I’m not really in the mood.”

Louis tries not to show his disappointment.

“Yeah, yeah no, don’t worry about it.”

But the things is, Louis _wants_ Liam to worry about it, but lately Liam hasn't really cared about much at all.

“I think I’m gonna see what Zayn’s up to. See ya later yeah?” Liam asks and it’s all Louis can do to nod his head.

*

Zayn’s lips are tracing over every inch of Liam’s naked body, mouthing just how much he loves Liam into his skin.

“Zayn,” Liam says, flushed.

“Shhh,” Zayn coos, cradling Liam’s jaw. “It’s fine, I've got you babe.”

Liam tries to be patient, but he can't help whining when all Zayn is doing is teasing him, trailing kisses down his body, smiling like he knows exactly what he is doing. He finally puts Liam out of his misery, finally taking the head of Liam's cock into his mouth. He sucks for a couple minutes before pulling off and jerking him until he cums.

“You’re so beautiful babe,” Zayn says after he’s finished, nuzzling his nose into Liam’s neck. Liam hums in response, not really one to know how to respond to compliments.

“So beautiful, it’s ridiculous, really. Do you even know how beautiful you are Leeyum?”

“Zayn,” Liam says, turning bright red. Zayn only shrugs his shoulders before responding.

“It’s true,” he insists, kissing Liam’s jaw, “So beautiful.”

And Liam can’t take it anymore, so he catches Zayn's lips in a kiss to shut him up.

*

Louis knocks on Zayn’s door twice, a little frustrated because Liam hasn't been answering any of his texts and he thinks that he might be ignoring him and Louis doesn't know what he’s done wrong and he doesn't want Liam to hate him. God he’d hate _himself_ if that ever happened.

Tired of waiting for an answer that’ll never come, Louis just takes out the spare key card and swipe it through Zayn’s door.

He wishes he hadn't.

“Do you know even know how beautiful you are Liam?”

“It’s true Liam,” Zayn says, mouthing at Liam’s jaw, “So beautiful,”

He watches the way Liam’s cheek flush. Watches the way that Liam smiles as if Zayn’s all he’s ever wanted, watches the way Liam pulls him down into a kiss, both of them too caught up in each other to even realise Louis standing near the door.

It’s what Liam says next that has Louis wanting to crumble to the floor and never have to move again.

“I love you Zayn,”

And Louis should’ve _known_ because it has always been Zayn, hasn't it? Never Louis and Louis was _stupid_ for ever thinking differently, so, _so stupid_.

So quietly, he makes his way out of the room, trying as best as he can to make it to his room without crumbling to the floor right there in the hallway. 

He doesn't know how but he makes it to his bed, pulls the covers over himself and tries not to fall apart because he should’ve seen this coming, he should’ve known and _fuck_ , he can’t compete with Zayn. No one can come compete with Zayn. He tries not to break.

He seems to be failing a lot lately.

*

Louis wishes he could hate Liam, but he can’t. He can’t even hate Zayn.

 It’s easier to hate _himself_.

Because Liam has loved Zayn a really long time, and it’s not like Louis is anything special really, especially if you compare him with someone as perfect as Zayn and he is so, _so_ stupid for thinking that Liam could ever love him.

So he hates himself for getting his hopes up, hates himself for loving someone who would never love him, hates himself for being such a _fucking idiot_.

It’s a good that they have the next few days off, gives Louis a reason to stay in bed for two days, waving the boys off with the excuse of the flu.

And it _hurts_ when Liam takes Louis temperature, getting him a wet cloth and patting his face when he realises that Louis is really hot (he really isn't, he just put the thermometer in his tea when Liam wasn't looking), it _hurts_ when Liam goes out of his way to get Louis the soup that he likes and actually feeds it to him. It _fucking hurts_ when Liam lies down behind him, spooning him and kisses his temple and says that he loves him.

He must be a masochist because he’d do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant Liam would whisper those three words into his ear again.

Or maybe he’s just incredibly selfish.

*

He is, in fact, selfish. Incredibly so.

Because he doesn't say anything about what he saw in Zayn’s hotel room, keeps to himself and tries to will it away. It seems to work because Liam still spoons him from behind, kisses his temple before they fall asleep.

The pain is worth it, in a weird way, because at least he can pretend that Liam actually loves him. Maybe he could’ve, in another world where Zayn didn't exist. It’s nice to pretend, even if it’s only for a little while.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Contemplating another part... Whaddya think?


End file.
